There is no need to tell you that things are different today. Some things are better, but a host of things are worse. I think about changes I have witnessed in my lifetime and my thoughts invariably turn to that which guides my behavior today. So, what memories shall I resurrect today? Well today, I will focus on a time when men were gentlemen, back in the day.
When I shared my topic for today with a friend, he warned that I was traveling down a dangerous road. Many men today do not embrace catering to women as was the case in the past, he explained. Thus, I was told that I should expect some negative reactions as this is 2023 and not 1950 as the gentleman is a relic. But, as some of you know, we occasionally observe men being gentlemen in this day and age. Such was the case several weeks ago when an observation gave rise to this column.
As I walked down the street, an elderly couple was walking in front of me; the man’s behavior was consistent with that of a gentleman. Initially, he maneuvered himself so that he walked on the curb side. Then, he gently held his companion’s hand, demonstrating a caring attitude and showing the class and style of a gentleman. I paid close attention as the couple stopped at an automobile to see what would occur. Consistent with how gentlemen behave, the man opened the automobile door and closed it after his companion was comfortably seated inside. I have a friend who maintains that some men only open automobile doors under one of two circumstances: when the companion is new or when the automobile is new. I regularly fail this gentleman test and receive a demerit as I fail to consistently open the automobile door for my wife when we are traveling together. I recognize, however, that men that just occasionally open automobile doors today fall short in comparison to the behavior of gentlemen that always opened the automobile door, back in the day.
My mind thought of other behaviors consistent with gentlemanly behavior as I continued my walk down the street. In a building with an elevator, a gentleman will step aside to permit a female to enter or exit. Interestingly, this is something that I routinely do. When going up stairs with a female, what is the position of the gentlemen? Of course, he walks behind the female to assist her in case she stumbles or falls. Giving up his seat on a bus, train, or other mode of public transportation or in a meeting is something gentlemen routinely did in the past. Even if a man demonstrates these mannerisms, all is lost in terms of his gentleman like character if he comes into a building and fails to remove his hat. Occasionally, I still see men with toothpicks hanging out of their mouths. Although these are things you still see today, they are not behaviors that were indicative of gentlemanly behaviors, back in the day.
What do you think about men driving the streets with their radios blasting with loud music? This is not the style of a gentleman. Nor does a gentleman go to a woman’s home to pick her up for a date by pulling up and blowing his horn to alert her to come outside. Rather, on the first date for sure, the gentleman rings the doorbell and expects to go inside to meet his date’s parents or to greet and escort you to the automobile. Does this take place today? Can men whistle at females on the street or wink at them or drive by and attempt to pick them up and not be regarded as the ultimate, uncouth flirt as opposed to the gentleman? I am certain that you agree that a man out in public making “cat calls” is not the type of man that one wants to take home to meet your parents. Participating in such behaviors causes a man to fail the test based on the gentlemanly standards of back in the day.
What are your views with regard to a man using the language of a “drunken sailor?” Is there anything more disgusting than being out in the streets drunk? Not the behavior of a gentleman in any instance. The gentleman is kind and considerate to everyone, particularly when it comes to the special person in his life. There is no way a man can be a gentleman if when taking his partner to dinner, he expects her to pay her share of the bill and he pays his share. Is there a female reading this column that was taken to the movies, lunch or a show and engaged in this back in the day practice of Dutch-treat? Then there are those places a gentleman takes his date other than a movie, show or a nice place for dinner. How many of you reading this column have been treated to an opera recently, if ever? What about going to a restaurant for High Tea? Something as fundamental as sending or taking flowers to a loved one; for some, this has not occurred in many years, if it has occurred at all. You must know that a gentleman routinely sends flowers.
So, what happened to the gentleman that we knew in the past? Women argue that classy women have become victims of the disappearance of gentlemen that we once knew. Gentlemen maintain that the willingness of females to accept lower standards in men and not holding today’s men to high standards has resulted in the disappearance of the gentleman. Whatever the arguments, one thing is for sure — what you see is what you will get. Thus, the gentleman, though there are exceptions, has been left back in the day.
